To W(B)ed a Bong

The Bedding Diaries of a clueless, soon-to-be Bride

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Of water and seagulls

Bill and I took my parents on a desi pilgrimage to Niagara Falls last weekend. My parents were suitably impressed by both the American and the horseshoe falls. Though appa was like "What a pity! You can't bathe here. Now if this was my beloved Kuttralam...."! For our part, Bill and I were reminded of our time in Kenai Fjords National Park last summer and couldn't stop telling parents about how these falls pale in comparison to the magnificent glaciers we hiked on in Alaska. Appa, Amma got sick of hearing about Alaska after sometime and we were told to shut up.

Most of the time we were at Niagara, I felt like being part of someone else's life - one of the umpteen desi couples who bring their parents to Niagara on a summer weekend. How uncool! Some of the Bong's pretentiousness must be rubbing off on me :(

Anyway, while I was on Luna Island looking at the American falls contemplating life, universe and everything, I saw Jonathan! There he was, a lone seagull at the edge of the waterfall, the last possible place where a bird can be without being carried away by the waters. Standing where no other seagull would ever think of standing, he was proudly looking up at all of us mundane losers standing on solid ground well behind the railings. I ran back to find Bill and show him Jonathan; Bill wasn't very impressed by him. Instead he asked me in his mocking voice - "Do you know why these seagulls are gullible? Just like the ones you have in your Lake Michigan?". I said I didn't want to know the answer. But he answered it all the same - "Because they think this is the sea."

Can someone kill Bill for me please? Wait, isn't that what I am supposed to do?

Monday, July 18, 2005

Goopy, Bagha and the Bong family

Do you know the lyrics of 'O Mantrimasai' or 'Bhuter raja dil baar'? Can you sing it now? If the answer is No(which it will be for the vast majority of us ordinary mortals), I am sorry to say that you have had a deprived childhood. Or so says Bill. Apparently all Bong kids grow up with Goopy and Bagha regardless of where they grow up. And they all dream of getting their contributions published in 'Sandesh'. So if you happen to be one of those losers who happens to have a Bong friend, let alone a boyfriend or spouse, you will have no choice but to watch the movie.

No, no its not enough that you happen to like Ray and you have watched Charulata and the Apu trilogy. Its not enough that you read Tagore and can appreciate Rabindra sangeet. Its really not enough that you can speak Marxism with the union leader uncle in the family. To be a part of a proper Bong family, you should be able to quote dialogues from Goopy Gyne Bagha Byne.

I am very much honored to report today that I have now been officialy welcomed into Bill's family. This was as a result of me being a proud owner of a Goopy Gyne Bagha Byne VCD. No points for guessing how it came into my possession.

PS: I must say here that I actually ended up enjoying the movie. For all I know, my new Bong family might be passing this way. O Mantrimasai....

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Bill's new business plan

Life is getting terribly expensive, especially with the bedding et al. Bill has no money since he's squandered his student allowance traveling the world, the Bride's done the same with her salary. So the lazy Bong has come up with a money-making scheme. We all go to Vegas for the Bachelor(ette) and there Bill will bring down the house. Instead of staring at the ceiling for hours together to prove a theorem, he will now stare at the ceiling and come up with a way to win at Blackjack. Eventually he will be the founder of the CMU Blackjack team, an offshoot of the MIT one. Bill and the Bride will live happily ever after on the money thus made and go off on a thousand more travels. How like Bill to come up with a plan that has a zero percent chance of success!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Meet the Parents

Bill spent the weekend with moi and parents. The salient points of the visit are:

1. After every meal, Bill and Amma dear diligently fought over who gets to wash the dishes. Amma wasn't about to let her future son-in-law wash dishes but Bill wasn't giving in either. He seemed to have gotten this new obsession for washing every dish in my apartment(very unlike his usual self, needless to say). Both Appa and moi peacefully retired to the living room as soon as we finished eating and shut out the din from the kitchen.

2. At every possible opportunity, Appa was asking Bill about his future career plans. Bill replied with characteristic nonchalance giving away no new information. Appa dear had no choice but to be content with a perpetual grad student for his son-in-law.

3. Amma explained to Bill about all the jewelry she would be buying for him(Yes, you heard it right. Its for Bill. Apparently she has to buy some ring and chain and bracelet and what not!) and Bill threatened to walk out of mandap. Amma dear got all emotional and flustered and it took some time for things to be back to normal.

4. In a move that completely astonished moi, Appa dear suggested that Bill and I sleep in my bedroom. His reasoning was very simple - "It isn't like you both sleep 50 feet apart when we aren't here"! No self-respecting Indian parent is going to talk to my Dad anymore. Go Appa!

5. Another dear friend of moi from Austin was also visiting us this weekend and he was definitely a huge catalyst in "SIL-MIL-FIL" interactions!

Friday, July 01, 2005


Black Mamba suggests an Arya Samaj wedding so that we know for sure what we are signing up for. Won't work for us as it has too much religion without the paraphernalia and what I want is the general tamasha without the religion. But there seem to be some interesting vows in the Arya Samaj style - here's the bride's wedding vow:

"I take your hand in mine in pursuit of righteousness for the benefit of both our families. I will stand by you. May we be provided with prosperity and offspring and may I keep you splendidly radiant as the rays of the sun."

Splendidly radiant as the rays of the sun? Imagine Bill spendidly radiant as the rays of the sun. Just remind me to put crates full of sunblock and sunglasses in the registry. :)