To W(B)ed a Bong

The Bedding Diaries of a clueless, soon-to-be Bride

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Glitter Glitter

Transcript of conversation I have with my mom every day now:

Me: Hello amma. How are you? What's happening?

Mom: Nothing is happening. Your Dad is so inefficient. Nothing ever gets done.

Me: Yeah?

Mom: We go to give invitations. He sits down and explains life, universe and everything to them. Each place we go, we are taking one hour. At this pace, we will finish giving invitations by next year this time.

Me: That's not so bad. Maybe we could postpone wedding to next year? We need everyone to turn up na.

Mom: I knew you were going to say that. What exactly is your problem with marriage again?

Me: Very simple. I don't believe in it.

Mom: Good. So it doesn't make a difference whether and when you get married. That's all I want to hear.

Me: Whatever.

Mom: So we have to go to Bhima today. (Bhima being big, evil jewelry store in Malluland where the Mallus go to buy tons and tons of gold for their daughters' weddings.)

Me: Why?

Mom: To buy kathirikai, why else will we go to Bhima? (Kathirikai - Brinjal)

Me: But who are you buying jewelry for? What do you need to buy?

Mom: Kalyanponnu pesura pecha idhu? (Is this how a soon-to-be bride talks?) People are asking me how I am going to manage with the basic jewelry we have? You will look so plain.

Me: Yeah, I am so plain that you have to hide me with gold.

Mom: That's not what I meant. Why don't you understand? You know I don't like or wear a lot of jewelry but this is your wedding. You should wear some na kannu?

Me: Even if I agree with you that I need to wear some gold, that some we already have na?

Mom: No, we don't. You don't even have a diamond necklace. What's wrong with one diamond necklace?

Me: Just give me the money. I have better uses for it, that's all.

Mom: Yeah yeah, you will take the money and go on a trip to Antartica next.

Me: Sounds like a plan actually.

Mom: Listen, its my money and I will do what makes me happy. You only say all the time that I should always do what makes me happy right? So I will go buy diamond necklace for my daughter and be happy.

Me: But daughter doesn't want diamond necklace. Why don't you use that money to help starving people?

Mom: Why don't you use the money that you spend gallivanting around the world to help starving children? You know as well as I do that these are not mutually exclusive things. And I know what you will bring up next - how diamond extraction and gold mining is killing people and the environment. How many times we have been through all this?

Me: Exactly. You never understand.

Mom: No, you refuse to see the point. I cannot and will not live my life by your standards. Esp when all you are doing is making up excuses for something that you do not want to do. I want my daughter to have a proper wedding and why don't you ever understand that?

Me: Well, okay go get me a diamond necklace. I will call off the wedding. Then you can be happy.

Mom: What nonsense you talk! Okay, maybe not diamond. But I saw this intricate gold choker which I think will suit you perfectly.

Me: Hmm..maybe. But actually ma, Bongs don't wear too much gold. Bill was telling me how they literally wear no jewelry for their weddings.

Mom: Oh yeah? That's why for Roy uncle's daughter's wedding they had some 3 kg of gold on that girl?

Me: Maybe that's the Mallu influence. Why would Bill lie to me?

Mom: The question kannamma is why would you lie to me.

9 Comments:

Blogger Ash said...

I like your mum... she's a sharp 'un !

4:33 PM  
Blogger Sundar said...

wow...

7:18 PM  
Blogger meditativerose said...

heh .. you're right .. a trip to Antarctica is a much better choice :)

8:15 PM  
Blogger The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

:D ahh! wily ammas! aren't they wonderful? a word of advice - don't try to fight it! go with the flow

5:35 AM  
Blogger 30in2005 said...

You have to listen to all the "this is once in a lifetime event and therefore you shall be buried under piles of gold". Even if you manage to wear your amma down and wear fairly simple classic stuff, you'll hear the "oh thats not enough" and "that's all?". If you agree to the "as much gold as I weigh" theory then it'll be too "flashy" or too show-offy!. My advice is let it all be heard in through one ear and out the other - all the while smiling beautifically!

As for ammas - this is their day as much as yours so patience is your best bet!

All the very very best!

6:52 AM  
Blogger Veena said...

Ash - Aren't all moms sharp? :)

MR - Absolutely! Glad you agree.

SF - I am learning, yes!

30in2005 - Thanks and yes, I am learning patience too!

7:46 AM  
Blogger Rash said...

sigh! Give up. there's no fighting and winning with mother when it comes to your own bedding.

8:59 PM  
Blogger Pallavi said...

hahah bongs do wear gold... Ahem ... not so much as the Malayis but they do have intricate stuff on them... :)

www.bubblingbrooks.com

3:55 AM  
Blogger Srikanth said...

Hi Veena,

Curse you! You should put an NSFW sign up somewhere to warn us. ;)

9:56 AM  

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