To W(B)ed a Bong

The Bedding Diaries of a clueless, soon-to-be Bride

Monday, October 24, 2005

Sari Wars Episode 3 - The In-Law Menace

If you missed the previous episodes, you can read them here and here.

So I finally got Bill to talk to the mom-in-law about this whole sari while I am in Kolkata nonsense. Bill claims that he explained to her that if the brand new daughter-in-law were to trip over her sari right when enters the family home, people in Kolkata might not see it as a good omen. After all, it isn't like they aren't already talking about what will happen to your children if you ever move out of Bongland to live in evil cities like Bombay. The children will go away and marry vague Tamilians from Malluland who needless to say, don't know the first thing about Bong culture. Mom-in-law ponders over this and decides that Bill has a point. So she hands him a sari schedule for the time we are in Kolkata.

Dec 9, 7 PM - Reception party will be in Dum Dum. But since she thinks that I will not be able to get out of the plane without tripping over my sari, no need for sari in flight.

Dec 10, 9 AM - Sari necessary. This is when I will be taken to family home and shown where the spices are. Hint Hint. (Can someone tell me which other culture has a blatant ceremony where they show the bride the spices in the kitchen? And then they talk of the Renaissance. These Bongs, I say!)

Dec 10, 12 noon - Sari necessary. I supposedly serve rice and fish to all and sundry. (Personally, I think this is the best time to trip over the sari. What say?)

Dec 10, evening - Free time, no need for sari. I will be taken around Kolkata.

Dec 11, 12 noon-10 PM - Sari time again. Out of towners will start arriving for the reception, so need to wear sari entire time.

Dec 12, morning - No need for sari. Sightseeing time again! Yippee!

Dec 12, 2 PM - Sari time. Go see grand aunt, try to speak Bong to her.

Dec 12, 4 PM - Go to family Kali temple. Sari absolutely necessary. Kali ma is known to get angry at new brides who go to see her in anything other than sari.

Dec 12, 6 PM - Dinner at uncle's place. No need for sari.

Dec 13, 12 noon - Time to get back to civilized parts of the country. So can wear anything I like.

Note: This sari schedule is not finalized yet. This has to be approved by conservative aunt in Kolkata before it goes into effect.

In other news, the Dads have decided to set up weekly status calls every Sunday to coordinate wedding details. What is interesting is that Bill's parents have zero inputs on the Kerala wedding and my parents have zero inputs on the Kolkata and Bombay receptions, so no one really knows what they are coordinating. Think a lifetime of working in the central government have turned both men into seasoned Sir Humphrey Applebys, so what the hell? Let them have their fun.


Blogger Prerona said...


9:03 AM  
Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Bill demonstrates solidarity by wearing a dhuti? If not, the deal should be off!


6:12 AM  
Blogger The ramblings of a shoe fiend said...

nonsense! as a shining beacon on thamizh karpu tying saree must be second nature to you. hope you make up for it in the shining valakku of the kudumbam category

8:01 AM  
Blogger Veena said...

JAP: Bill left to himself had no intention of showing any solidarity. But he's been made to by mummy dear!

And JAP, you should tell me what stuff I should see/do in Cal during my stay there - Bill being a Bombay boy has really no clue.

Shoefiend: Shining beacon of tamizh karpu? Aiyayo...vendamma, alla vitudunga!

9:43 AM  
Blogger Anon(ymous) said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:03 AM  
Blogger Rash said...

hee hee. just in case m-i-l wants you to don the greasepaint be very careful about you makeup at the reception. Cal parlourwalis have this penchant for drawing huge bindis and dots all over your forehead.

11:34 PM  
Blogger Red said...


Just remembered old Bengali ritual which you can try out on the gentleman. When the groom arrives at the wedding and the aarti is being done, a female member of the brides family is supposed to grab hold of his nose and tweak it hard. No idea what the significance is, but have memories of my malyali uncle gettin quite a shock on his wedding

4:32 PM  
Blogger Veena said...

Rash - dots and bindis? OMG! May the non-existent God save me.

Red - Thanks! And do let me know if there are more interesting rituals such as this one. Maybe dots and bindis are not so bad!

2:17 PM  

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