To W(B)ed a Bong

The Bedding Diaries of a clueless, soon-to-be Bride

Thursday, November 03, 2005

The Education of Bill

Bill: I just talked to my mom. You aren't going to believe this.

Me: What's happening now?

Bill: Do you really want to know?

Me: Yeaah

Bill: I think its all those Bong association people. They conned her.

Me: Into what?

Bill: She says that she wants to do all Bong ceremonies that happen before the wedding.

Me: Like where? You guys turn up in Kerala on the 3rd and there's no time for any Bong ceremony.

Bill: Yeah, she knows that. So she wants to do it in Bombay.

Me: But I am in Bombay only for a day. That too, all jetlag will happen.

Bill: Who said this has anything to do with you? You don't have to be there.

Me: Really? This is interesting. Now I want to hear all about this. Tell me about these ceremonies.

Bill: And I thought I will have a peaceful week in Bombay. I will go meet junta and maybe go to the "institution" and just chill.

Me: So what are you going to be doing instead?

Bill: I am not entirely sure.

Me: Oh c'mon.

Bill: Apparently, hazaar Bong auntys will turn up. All the Bong association ones.

Me: Hang on. I am starting to get the idea. Does this involve you and turmeric?

Bill: Arrgghh. We aren't that gross also!

Me: Man, this is so funny. Let me picture this. You will be sitting bare chested in the middle of the room and all these Bong aunts will sit around you and put turmeric on you. I love this!

Bill: I am sure you do. It ain't happening.

Me: Do you know that for sure? And then they will educate poor kid on the facts of life.

Bill: What???

Me: Well, what do you expect? They will give you all sex advice. Poor innocent kid, doesn't know anything, they will say. Let us educate him.

Bill: Shut up, will ya?

Me: Will you promise to take pictures?

Bill: What? Are you mad?

Me: Well, okay. I will just con your brother to take pictures.

Bill: He will be away at school. He won't be there.

Me: I am sure he would be more than happy to come home for a day or two. Esp since he would get to see his brother getting inducted. Let him also get some education na?

Bill: You will do no such thing. You will not con my brother to take pictures.

Me: Oh yeah?

Bill: Hey, do you think I need to come to Kerala early?

Me: No, you aren't needed there.

Bill: Maybe I am. Maybe I can help with all the wedding arrangements.

Me: Like how? You can't speak one word of Mallu. You will only be in the way.

Bill: Please, take pity on me, will you?


Blogger Rash said...

hehe! and once you're barechested in front of bong auntylog they'll chorus...eesh ki roga chele...amerikai kichu khete deyna bodhai...gaye ekdom mangsho nei

5:42 AM  
Blogger Red said...

I remember when a rather portly Bengali friend of mine came home for dinner. The phattar the better. My grandmother's eyes lit up with sheer joy and if I had any sisters they would surely have been wedded off by now.

10:44 AM  
Blogger shub said...

enjoy reading your anecdotes a lot! having seen 2 tam weddings from the ringside, having seen my sisters fight mom about the number of sarees , and the amount gold...its all so familiar!!

7:58 PM  
Blogger Anyesha said...

Tell Bill, that if he materilises earlier than needed in Kerala, your side of the family will think up some equally disastrous rituals for him!!! My bf is currently ruminating on strategies to dodge the ubiquitous aunties he is bound to encounter on the next trip. He is also dreading his date with turmeric and the subject aunties - together!

5:56 AM  
Blogger Pallavi said...


3:53 AM  

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