To W(B)ed a Bong

The Bedding Diaries of a clueless, soon-to-be Bride

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Hi-jinks in Trivandrum

or, how to get alcohol after 11 in God's own country.

Sandy, Banker, Motu, Ethan and Jason decide to take Bill out to celebrate the end of his bachelordom. But what is a party without some alcohol? And so, they turn up at Big Hotel.

Sandy : Hi, we are looking to celebrate, so could you get us the wine menu?

Big Hotel Waitperson (BHW) : I am so sorry, state law prohibits us from serving alcohol after 11.

Banker : But every table has wine being served.

BHW : I will go check sir.
(back after 5 minutes)
I talked with my manager, but we cannot do it sir. All these people were served before 11. Sorry!

Sandy : Come on, everybody is still being served. What do you take us for? Anyway, our friend is getting married tomorrow, he really needs it.

BHW : Okay, I will find out again.
(back after a while)
We really cannot do it sir. All sorts of checks have been put on us.

At this point, we are getting tired of this and ready to leave. Ethan tries one last time.

Ethan : Look, we came all the way from Chicago. Do you want us to take back this image of beautiful Trivandrum?
BHW : Okay, I will go check.
Sirs, if it was up to me, I would gladly have obliged. But we have to be very careful with the new laws. We absolutely cannot serve wine. We will be killed by the cops. Is champagne okay with you?

Us, collectively : What????
Let us get this straight. You can serve us champagne now? How about the state law? Can we just have wine please?

BHW : (giving up) French, Italian or Spanish?

So there you have it. Wine and champagne are not really alcoholic drinks in this part of the country! These mallus, I tell you!

Toasts are made, and lots of wine are downed by everyone. Some hours later, the hotel is emptied out, apart from the intrepid few. They decide to leave, and discover the waiter has disappeared. When he finally arrives, he is treated to a big hug by Jason. When he steps back with a bemused smile, he is embraced again, and this time, gets declarations of undying love. This makes him more and more nervous, and he runs away as soon as possible.

At this point, Jason and Banker decide maybe they should get one for the road. They go up to the bar, to find no one there. Banker walks back dejectedly, and to cheer him up, Jason shows him a bottle of whiskey he has walked off with, using a five-finger discount. The gang leave discreetly, though with at least a few singing in loud voices, maybe it was not so discreet.

Scene shifts to empty beach.

Bill : How are we going to drink this without any water?

Jason : Bill, you the man! Just drink it up from the bottle.

Bill : (gulp! big gulp!) Pah, that burns the throat.

Ethan : The simple solution is, drink some more. It helps.

Bill : (gulp!) I think that works.

Sandy : Are you going to leave some for us or what?

Bill : Hey, what's a swing of whisky between friends? Here, have some. (gulp!)

Sandy : (gulp!) Bill, you are drunk!

Bill : I say NO! (gulp!)

Banker : (gulp!) I say yes!

after a few rounds of this, Bill has been force-fed the lion's share of the bottle. (Ed : Force? more like Motu had to physically threaten Bill to get his hands on the bottle! )

Bill : I am sho toshally shober, I can throw this empty boshle, er bottle, the farthesht.
(almost brains Banker, whose quick reflexes save his life). eh, that was not so good. Guys, I don't feel so good. (Keels over)

Motu : Just like him, can't handle any alcohol. Here, I will throw it far away. (almost brains Banker)

Banker : Guys, what the hell do you have against me anyway?

Bill : (waking up) I don't feel so good. (passes out again)

The author's recollection of the rest of the night are a bit hazy. He may or may not have gone skinny dipping in the Arabian Sea. He may or may not have gone to meet some Danish girls of Jason's acquaintance at four in the morning. He may or may not have been in a fight with two autorickshaw drivers. He may or may not have been carried like a "sack of potatoes" at six in the morning to his bed. He suspects the last one is true, but not the others. Motu and Banker resolutely refuse to enlighten him further. The author suspects their recollection is a bit hazy too.


Blogger The Black Mamba said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:39 PM  
Blogger The Black Mamba said...

lol.. can we get some pictures of this event atleast :)

Cannot wait for the sequel.

"Hi-jinks in Thiruvananthapuram"

Getting drunk in the Arrack/Toddy shop right around the corner, appropriately attired in a mundu and baniyan. With a newspaper in hand, a beedi perched on the ear and a pack of cards. - does that sound like a plan for your next trip to Kerala? ;)

11:48 PM  

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