To W(B)ed a Bong

The Bedding Diaries of a clueless, soon-to-be Bride

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Bill's take on his wedding wear

Being brought up in a good Bong family, I knew vaguely that before my wedding, my father or some other elder would have to have THE TALK with me.

Bong Elder (E) : Son, it is now time to reveal to you the facts of life.

Dutiful Son (S) : Yes, Daddyji. But nowadays, they teach it in school. My school teachers drew lots of diagrams and brought charts in bright colors.

E : Fool! No school teacher, even today, dares detail the mysteries to young kids.

S : I am all ears, Daddyji.

E : Yes, you are going to be a man, my son. It is time you know .... the correct way to tie a Bong dhoti!

S : Gulp! What are you talking about?

E : You thought the storks bring a well-tied dhoti? It is an intricate process. It takes hours to learn. It takes a lifetime to perfect. A dhoti is an art form. Not like those uncultured people everywhere else, who might as well wrap a towel for the dhoti they wear.

And so the proud dhoti-waving bongs preserve their culture across centuries, maybe millenia. I am told adolescent females have similar talks about facts of life with elderly aunts, and emerge knowing how to wear a sari.

Unfortunately, this Bong is going to marry into a Tamil family, and the wedding is going to be in the land of towel-wrappers. Thus it is that I will break with hundreds of years of tradition, and the noble art of tying a dhoti will not be passed on to me. But my dear mother is not giving up the good fight of having some token Bong symbols. I will be donning another mark of the dashing Bong groom, the topor (also known to non Bengalis as a fool's cap).

Then again, even worse might be in store. Secret sources inform one that Tamil weddings require the groom to go topless. No shirts, no kurtas, not even a protective shawl!

(I must note that The Bride assures me this wedding is not like that, their family does not do things that way. I ask you, how much faith should I have in that, when she wakes up in the middle of the night muttering dialogues from Kill Bill?)

See, we Bong men have no illusions about having broad chests, bulging biceps and ripped abs. In Bong weddings, you are decently covered up. Looks like it is time to hit the gym with a vengeance.

Anyway, in summary, here's my wedding attire then. Towel wrapped around legs, nothing on the upper body, and a white dunce cap. Weddings, I am learning, are for the masochistic.

8 Comments:

Blogger Parna said...

:) Been there. Lived it. AND survived. As did the groom, inspite of similar fears.

signed - a bong girl who had to go through a bong wedding

6:00 PM  
Blogger Rash said...

hehehe...look at the brighter side, it's easier to wrap the towel.

12:36 AM  
Blogger Anyesha said...

What about all the aunts who will rub you with turmeric and and then burst out laughing on viewing their handiwork!!! My Bong-but-not-quite-bong groom is dreading that moment.

6:36 AM  
Blogger blokes said...

bill u got it wrong- the southie for the wedding will wear the dhoti wrapped around like a pyjama- better learn to wear the bong style, it may be easy to transition to the Tamil style! the veshti is for normal wear- towel style, the panchagajam is for the groom!

4:11 PM  
Blogger alpha said...

haha! Good luck, dont believe Uma Thurman! It'll be as top-less as it can get. And no protests are going to let the Tams forsake that tradition. My hubby tried..they said fine...but they made him go topless anyway! My whole wedding album had to be discarded coz his belly got more coverage than us.

You guys are a funny couple.

6:35 PM  
Blogger J. Alfred Prufrock said...

You're handicapped - your families approve of the match.

So much easier to go off to a marriage registrar's office and sign on the dotted line. With a champagne brunch afterwards.

Think about it.

J.A.P.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Veena said...

Parna - Thanks, hopefully we will survive it too.

Rash, Blokes, Alpha - Thanks guys. I am sure the man is feeling much better now!

JAP - Well, I don't really believe in the idea of marriage. Isn't it so much easier not to go the registrar's office at all and keep having champagne brunches all the time?

A marriage, in my world, is a 1000 people wedding - it doesn't mean anything more than that. So if I have to get married I might as well have all of it!

8:14 AM  
Blogger Twilight Fairy said...

without exception..*all* my friends who have either married bongs or are bongs themselves are afraid of that 'dunce cap' thing.. :)..

1:28 PM  

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